Okay, so what to talk about today? To be honest, I don't REALLY know...I had ideas but I can't think straight lately. Oh yeah, 6 month anniversary with my boyfriend on Wednesday!! :) 14th of August! Whoo!
I haven't really got too many problems...I had a dnm today, with someone I'm only now becoming really close with. She's my boyfriend's best friend and it's really cool that she's such cool friends with him cuz it means she knows him well and all that.
I told her about my ex, it relates to her situation in a way atm, and yeah.... Someone else joined in our dnm and decided to inform that I never realised he'd treated me badly the whole eight years we were on and off. The thing is, I don't know whether it's true but I also don't know if it's false. I could understand him being different after his loved one died a couple of years ago but yeah....it's just complicated cuz I have no clue. I also went back through my old diaries and by golly, I am shocked. It actually depresses me when I read them because it doesn't feel like I'm reading back on my old life.....it feels like I'm reading back on someone's life only I know the bitter end.....not to say that I am bad atm, but it's just that the diary entries I read involved a much younger me asking herself if she was becoming depressed and whether she should go back out with her friend. It's like when you want to yell at the TV in a horror movie to tell them not to split up and look on their own; I knew she'd end up so broken if she went with her heart but she did it anyway and I couldn't take my eyes away.
It didn't seem like me and I guess that just goes to show how much I've changed.

No one in my life really wants to say it. None of them want to let me know that I've been completely different since last year and everything changed. Even the people who knew me before year 9 (my year of depression) none of them want to remind me. They know I've changed, they can see it in my eyes. I can even see it in  their eyes. It's sad as well, for those who didn't know me before this year because personally I think, the girl I was in year 7? She's the girl I want to go back to being. She was innocent. She was herself. She was whole and not broken. The only thing wrong with her was that she was in love with her best friend, but she never dared to make a proper move on him. I want that girl back, but it'll never happen.

Thanks for reading this meaningless rant anyway :)

Lemme know what you think in the comments or by shooting me a message! :)

Xx