Confessions Of A Broken Angel

Hey.
Today i'm going to tell you a story. This story is about a girl; as per any story we're going to start at the beginning. Excuse me if i skip back and forward in her life and miss years of her life.

She grew up in a rich family - no denying that. She knew she was spoiled and everyone always said she was. There was a difference though, in the lives of an average person and hers; her parents believed money could soothe all your problems, and being spoilt meant being happy.
She spent the first several years of her life with a babysitter - the closest thing she had to a mother and when she realized most kids didn't have a babysitter there every night she attempted to get the attention from her parents by running away. This usually only ended up getting her as far as her neighbour's house where they would call up and she'd be brought straight back home and punished for scaring the babysitter. It didn't work and she eventually got used to the absence of her parents.

She was always the kind of girl who could get along better with the boys, because of similar interests and from Day Care to Grade 1, she was bullied because of it. In Grade 1, she had one boy she always hung out with in the playground and his friend's got jealous. They threatened to beat her and kill her - no one would ever find her body, they used to say.

So she left the school and moved somewhere else.

As a pretense for this, I let you readers know now that insanity had always run in her family. As a young child though she only on occasion talked about the things she saw that no one else could see but as she started to get punished for it - she realized it was better not to speak up about it. Grade 2, she was at a new school, but when she got there everyone else already had their friendship groups. This was all except for a boy and a girl. They became a friendship group of three and they became this girl's best friends.
As i skip forward i let you know in general terms what happened over the years...

We speed through primary school when they were in different schools; the boy best friend at a different school, the girl at another school and her girl best friend in a whole different country. The two still left in the same country stayed in touch..... during primary school, they would pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend without the label. They liked each other and they "pretended" they didn't know it about the other. This game went on for years.....playing around but never admitting anything. She knew by the end of primary school she was already in love. The other best friend came back but never kept in touch with the boy until high school when they were re-introduced.

In high school, the boy best friend started to close off from the girl. she couldn't figure out why until she found out he'd lost someone and she ended up calling him up. He'd told he never wanted to talk to her again and it broke her heart to hear that. This was in year 8 and she became depressed as she tried to talk to people and they told her it seemed like she never cared about them. She became obsessed with becoming someone. She tried drugs, alcohol, cutting.....anything to take away the emotional pain. She lost herself. She lost her best friend and when she tried dating someone else to take her mind off the boy she loved, that girl best friend from her childhood got angry at her and left.
She had nothing left. On multiple occasions she tried killing herself.

Her dad introduced her to someone who was going through similar things to her - someone living in a mental hospital- in need of a friend. She soon became her best friend. They snuck out to parties, dyed each other's hair and promised they would never leave each other. But she did. One day the girl came to visit her and found her new best friend hanging from the ceiling fan and a letter left on the bed asking her never to be as selfish as her best friend had just been. She made a promise to the memory of her friend- to give up suicide and cutting.

She only started to get over the emotional shock when the boy she'd fallen in love with in her childhood, called her up. He apologized for wishing her away and asked if she'd forgive him. She did. At that point, it was all she could do; she needed him. But the tirade began again where he refused to admit he had any feelings for her but his flirting with her got worse. They had flings but it was never with a title. He hated the title and he still refused to admit anything more than friendship.

After dating many more guys, she eventually decided to admit defeat on loving the boy and fell in love with someone else. She loved this other boy from afar but when she told him, she was brushed off. "I love you like a sister" he said, and then moved on to his next conquest. She fell more in love with him, but in truth? it was obsession. She loved him, he never loved her back and she slowly felt like she was drifting back to the edge of no return.

Finally, the boy of her childhood turned around and said he liked her. He saved her. She was overjoyed and knew that love for him had never disappeared....

They started dating and it was like being best friends and being in love all at the same time. They teased each other, and fought but got back together by the end of the day - the relationship only getting stronger. They talked about losing virginity to each other and stayed at each others houses every night. It was a like fairytale. Only in truth, it wasn't. Because every honeymoon has it's end. Every spark burns.

At 3 months in the relationship the fire grew too hot.

He became hot and cold. Her bipolar showed through. the boy she'd been in love with only loved her when he was drunk. He was cold when he was sober. He seemed to not care anymore. One year anniversary of his loved one's death came and he broke. He said he'd never loved her; it was all a lie...

a lie...

the boy she'd been in love with 8 years had never cared. The one person who'd always been there to save her was now the one pushing her off a cliff. He was too much of a coward to walk away after telling her, so she saved herself some dignity and left with she could still crawl.

7 months. She got drunk too. She got high. She made out with random strangers at parties hoping to God it would feel the gaping hole inside her chest. But it didn't.
He kept her on facebook. He kept her on twitter. He loved to torture her. He would message her when he was high, just to do so.
He asked if she missed him and all she could do was lie. He would always tell her he knew that it wasn't true. Once or twice he told her he missed her and when she questioned it, he would reveal it to be lie.

"You know i was always a good liar."

And every day she died more inside. Soon she aimed at her friends, hoping someone would save her. None of them did.
She tried to find other boys to date; she swore all the time that she was over him but she knew in her heart that she wasn't.
She even attempted to go back to the boy she'd had an obsession but when he made out with her she felt nothing..

she gave up on love.

One day, she approached one of the boys who'd rejected her and she sat down with him. He was sitting with one of his friends but she didn't care, they all started a conversation about costumes for a performance and the original boy left to go talk to someone else. That's when she met the most naive boy in the world. They continued their conversation and at lunch time break- they played frisbee and talked. Their talking didn't stop - they would text after rehearsal until they had to go to sleep and then their conversation would pick up in the morning the next day.
He made her forget.

Then one day, she asked him if he would ever consider her to be someone he could go out with. She'd had 7 months of rejections so she thought she could deal with one more. Instead he answered saying he wasn't sure. He asked to go to movies as friends and when the movie ended. He kissed her.

He'd heard the rumours of her being damaged good and he promised one thing.

"I'll never hurt you."