Ready to walk away

So many people have left my life....they've walked out to try and be better off, dumping me. They've jumped in front of trains, and hung themselves from fans with slit wrists, or even just said goodbye and started ignoring me. Sometimes they come back but they never becomes as close to me as they once were; they don't want to. I know it's bad of me to now assume that of everyone but can I be blamed for that? Every time I do something wrong, upset my boyfriend...I feel as though he will turn around and walk the other way and I feel like I could totally deserve it. No one deserves to look after a schizophrenic with a temperamental trusting nature (lack of trust one minute and full trust the next)