So basically i'm thinking about the feelings that accompany remembering your childhood....on occasion it's a thought of "THANK GOD MY LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER NOW!" or that i miss that naivety that i used to have towards the world. Really, none of us truly realized the full capacity at which this world is corrupt. These days everything's REAL; when you reach a certain age people just suddenly stop protecting you...
Everything starts coming at you, confronting and real. You realize only then the full capacity.
Of course there are still people who find out at a young age... the kids who are brought up with their parents sexually assaulting them or the ones with abusive parents and yet i know, even those kids are surprised at the cruelty of reality.
No one truly realizes how many people kill themselves, or are killed; how many people are molested or raped and how many of them we actually call "friends"; no one ever told us that our friends would become enemies or that the parents we'd always looked up to, would be the ones yelling at us to do better and constantly making us feel like we weren't enough. No one ever prepared for HOW hard life was, they only told us it would be. Up until that point, we hadn't known what true struggle was.
Up until last year i didn't think i had either. I feel like now i do. No one prepares for you to live through three of your friends suicides in one week and then the week after finding out your boyfriend of 6 months (who is also your best friend of 8 YEARS) suddenly stopped loving you and stopped giving a shit about you. No one prepares for your heart to break in every way possible...until it has. It has taken me ages to recover from that....hell, i still am. I don't think i'll ever heal, the scars will always be there.
But i still appreciate the facts that have showed up this year, making my life better and worth living....which is something i didn't feel after last years events.
If you look at me now, unless you saw me at a weak moment? i don't think most people can tell the shit that i've been through. Hell, until just a couple of months ago i was still having the worst kind of problems. I had to deal with my friend's boyfriend feel me up....and i didn't know how to react. I forgot it. Even though i still remember...i talked to him and then never said a word.
But life's okay these days....
I saved one of my best friend's from killing herself too, and i now have an amazing boyfriend; the first boyfriend i've ever had who hasn't had a fight with me yet. He's different from EVERY OTHER boy i've dated and yes, i mean that, because although he was at the worst disadvantage when we started dating on Valentines Day, he stayed with me until finally i trusted him enough to tell him the shit i've been through (excuse the swearing).
I haven't had any major problems lately, if anything, my life's been pretty great :)
For now but meh!
Oh yeah, here's one of my drawings as well :) i've been bored, considering it's school holidays so i've been practicing my drawing :) Let me know what you think in the comments!!!
Thanks for reading xx
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