You know how there are a sole few things that keep people alive....? You have those things that if they left your life or weren't there anymore you know that you would have no reason to live and possibly take your life if it came down to it. There are very deadly moments in one's life, especially for someone like me who has their happiness and their sanity and their LIFE relying one person. When you start to screw things up with them and it's your fault, you can't but want to die. I think I've screwed things up way too bad this time. I think this is the end for my lifeline.....I don't know what to do without him. It's a deadly moment right now... One more problem and i feel like i'll shatter like glass..... Believe it or not, i'm fragile and there are scissors, a knife, candles, matches, water, and so many drugs in my bedroom right now and it is so hard to resist the urge to retalliate and punish myself for the way i've acted and the stupid things that came out of my mouth that i should have stopped. Maybe if i'd had control over myself then maybe he wouldn't be out of my reach....
Good thing, he's not gone.
Yet.
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